Zaraki Kenpachi
First on the chopping block is undoubtedly the best character in Bleach. Don’t get me wrong, this guy is cool, but he’s really not that manly. First thing, and I’m sure you thought of it already, is the loli sidekick. Not that men can’t protect little girls that follow them, after all, Guts from Berserk does it. No, what makes it unmanly is that the loli is a sidekick. Manly men don’t have sidekicks, well, except for Batman; but even then Robin is more of a partner that needs some protection. Besides, the manliest Batman doesn’t have Robin following him around.
credit Momo Love on theOtaku.com
Sidekick aside, what really gets me is the hair pretties. What kind of manly man has bells in his hair? I don’t care if it is some sort of warrior’s pride thing, not even Willy Nelson does that…often. Just think of what it would be like if other manly men put bells in their hair. Don’t hurt yourself, I’ve done if for you.
Final result, Zaraki Kenpachi: Not manly, but sounds great at X-Mas parties.
Ryo Asuka
There’s no way I can talk about this guy without spoiling Devilman, so go read it and see just how unmanly this guy becomes. At first he seems cool by telling Akira about demons while driving a car without a license, and then later by showing up with a sawed off shotgun to fend off some bullies; but don’t fall for the rouse. At the very end of the series, spoiler warning, Ryo is reviled to be a demon, grows breasts and kills his love, Akira. Since any form of the words ‘boobs’ and ‘manly’ shouldn’t be in a sentence unless it is: “Boobs are hot, not manly.” Ryo falls into the trap category, as one of the coolest traps ever, trumping even Bridget and the King of Pop.
Final result, Ryo Asuka: Pseudo manly and post-op transvestite
Kurogane
Perhaps we should look at this in a checklist format:
Drawn by CLAMP: -1
Cutting your wrists: -1
Letting your queer comrade drink from it in a blatant homoerotic fashion: –WHATEVER IS LEFT
Is it really a surprise that CLAMP can’t make manly men? No, not really. Is it any surprise that CLAMP can’t make men in general seem masculine on any level? No, not really. I suppose this is a low blow and a bit of a copout, but out of all the men to be in a CLAMP series, Kurogane had the most going for him. He was a ninja that stayed stealthy by killing anyone who had eyes, which seemed rather promising. But somewhere along the way, Kurogane lost his balls. Perhaps it was the constant teasing from Moka, who is nothing more than a NeoPet. Or maybe it was being close friends with Fai, whose sexual orientation is questionable. Either way, add it all together and you get one big not manly sandwich.
Final result, Kurogane: Had potential, but is about as manly as Steven Hawking is a body builder.
Now you’ve been schooled in Josh’s Manliness 101. There are a ton of manly men in anime, just don’t be fooled by the posers. I’m off to go bench-press a car and play some Ping-Pong. I can’t hang around these pansies any longer.
